But what about me?
I mean I cook. I clean and do the laundry. I’m taking care of the babies every need. I even change almost every dang diaper. It’s hard to find time to take a shower when I’m taking care of a home and business. You mean to tell me you didn’t do exactly what I wanted? I expected this…. and this…. and that… bitch and complain. I’m now mad. Nope furious!!! Where did our love go? You don’t do this and you don’t do that. It’s a downhill spiral of resentment, anger, and pity. Which then turns into a broken relationship. What looks like a picture perfect relationship on FB or in public isn’t so in private. That’s not what I want to be or have in my marriage. This weekend was a start to a very nasty fight. Expectations we both have for eachother and wanting our needs fulfilled.
But what my husband and I did different is focus on what God would want for our marriage. It took a whole day to mend from the horrific argument. We know the enemy wants to tear us apart. We are determined to succeed and give it to God. I spend time in prayer most days or on the bible app. There are some great lesson plans filled with devotionals. I of course open up to one that talks about expectations you have for your spouse. That sure was God talking to me. I knew he wasn’t happy with how I treated my husband this weekend. This is what I learned:
Expectations. We all have them. And because we have them, we all typically experience disappointment. Because what we expect doesn’t always line up with reality.
What has it been for you? Did you have lofty dreams of how your marriage would be? We fall into this expectation trap in our relationships all the time. We expect someone to do something for us at a specific time or in a specific setting. Sometimes we expect them to do it because they said they would. Other times we place expectations on them because they play a certain role in our lives and, well, they should just know. The problem is, we didn’t tell them
Let your spouse off the hook. You have placed expectations on your spouse that he or she will never be able to meet. You are expecting them to meet your every need and desire. This is completely unrealistic.
Surrender your expectations for your life, your marriage, your family and your future to God. We expect and desire good things in our lives. There is nothing wrong with that. But we hold on to those ideals, often with white knuckles, and we don’t want to let them go. Though all along, God is saying, “Trust me with your dreams. I have something so much better than what you are holding on to.” God has our best interests in mind. Doesn’t it make sense to turn over our dreams to him?
Become a student of your spouse. Study them. Get to know them better than you think you do. Learn how they think. And learn what their needs are and how they feel loved.
Expectations in and of themselves are not bad. But we do have to manage them, be realistic about them and surrender them to God.
Food for thought: Think about a time recently when your spouse disappointed you. What happened? Was your expectation realistic?